My very first memory of a church was when I was just five years old. (My only memory of church as a child) I remember the cathedral ceilings, they’re beauty resonates in my mind to this day. But that’s just it…the ceiling is all I remember.
As I was growing up, everyone had a television set…some had just one and others had one in each room. I was fascinated by all the cartoons and movies that entertained us over the years.
Then I turned eleven and my parents went on an Anniversary vacation to Tucson, AZ, where they placed a bid on a house and won it by just five bucks! We moved to a nice house and the best part was that there were baseball fields and a park right across the street from my new home!
Our first summer in Tucson, I discovered Girls Fast Pitch Softball. I was completely captivated by it! I would watch the teams, listen to their coaches and dream that one day I too would play on that field.
My Daddy (having played on a men’s softball league for more than a decade) was excited about my desire to play. He immediately signed me up. My first season EVER, I madeAllstars. But that wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to be a pitcher. I wanted it so bad that every day after school you would find me out at the ball field in the pitching pin, pitching more than 100 fastballs per day. Then when Daddy came home from work, he would come out and catch me to work on my accuracy. While I was alone, I focused on speed, accuracy comes with repetition. I quickly advanced out of little league, went to AGS and then on to ASA. ASA is where we competed with many out of state teams. We were in the local ASA friendly league during the week, along with two plus practices per week and then usually an out of state tourney to follow…so yes, I lived, eat, slept, breathed Softball. My love for pitching did pay off as at the age of 16 my fast ball was 63 mph. That was a huge accomplishment for me. But it didn’t take long to recognize, that softball was the ONLY thing I was allowed to do.
A piece of me was missing. More importantly, Someone was missing.
You see, it wasn’t until very recently that I learned who the Lord of my life truly is. I was so busy being brainwashed like everyone else in this world that I created idols for myself. First it was the television set (and as a child, not knowing any better, I cannot be too hard on myself.)
Then it was softball…in which became not just an idol, but an addiction because of how much I loved the competition and pitching those no hitters!
But I learned I was never truly satisfied and the happiness from winning only lasted a short while.
And what’s a story without a lil’ romance?!
I was in a horrible relationship when I was a teen…though…since I was twelve I had this secret crush on the “love of my life.” July 26, 1993, me, my sister Jamie and my friend Kristie,were out front playing around when he drove by my house with his music loud enough to shake the sidewalk. Us girls smiled and waved as he drove by. Music was getting softer. Then the sidewalk began to shake again. Here he comes around the corner. He stops to say hi and show us where the insanely loud music was coming from. My heart was pounding!! It was very hard to keep my cool and not show how much I wanted to just jump on him with all this excitement! A few moments later he had to leave. Us girls meandered into my house to kick back and do our own thing. A few hours go by. In my living room, I hear the sound. The sound, that just a few short hours earlier had caused my heart to race. It was coming from the park. Vista Del Prado Park is right across the street from my house. I jumped up off the couch, ran to the front door, to find the one who makes my heart smile, playing catch with a buddy in the park. No doubt he wanted us girls to notice he was out there! So of course we walk across the street, giggling and being loud just as normal teenagers do. We begin to play catch with them. I remember the very first time I threw his football to him; he appeared to be taken by my athletic ability. We laughed and played until the sun went down that day. Kristie kept telling me to stay away from him because he was all hers. Anytime I talked to him or smiled at him, she made sure to try and put me down, to make me look bad so that he would like her. Did that stop me from being me? Haha of course not! It became a challenge. So as we were heading across the parking lot to go home. She requests that he give her a hug good night. I keep walking towards my house. Butterflies filled my abdomen when he requested one from me. I became very shy, but inside I was flying among the clouds as I approached his amazing smile and his arms stretched out awaiting that hug. And there I was, in his arms, it was better than I had ever dreamed it would be. As he held me close, my eyes closed and I softly whispered in his ear, “please don't forget me, please come back.” He then looked at me, when he smiled, his whole being smiled. With that smile he said, “I could never forget you, I will be here.” Inside I was frantic! Where on Earth did that request of mine come from? What was I thinking making a request like that? Kristie yelled, “Hurry up Mickel!” He continued to look me in the eyes, I was lost in the thought of, “what is he thinking when he stares at me so?” I heard another yell, faintly in the background. It was her again. Then I heard my mom yell, “Dinner is ready, time to come home.” We smiled once again and went our separate ways. Kristie looked at me and stated once again, “he’s mine! I got the first hug and you didn’t!” I smiled and informed her that, “yeah, you got the first hug. But I didn’t have to ask for mine.” She fell silent but appeared to be boiling with anger.
We reach the house. I jumped up and down as if Peter Pan had just taught me how to fly! My family laughed and laughed at me. I didn’t care; I had reached the heavens and continued to feel the strength within his arms, the rhythm of his heart beat and the enticement of each breath he took.
Meanwhile, Kristie was nagging me and nagging me. Demanding, that I back off. I was really just being me…well, I’m sure it was obvious that I had a crush on him. Though I did keep my distance and I didn’t request the hug; but boy was I still in awe!
It was around 3 pm on July 27, 1993. The house began to shake. And there he was, tall, dark and handsome. Wearing a purple tank top with carpenter jean shorts, he began to throw the football with his buddy once again. We girls make our way to the park. Our eyes met, we shared the same smile. As if maybe we were thinking the same thing. We all walked over to the bleachers to have a seat and began talking about going for a drive. After much debate, we successfully came up with a plan together.
We ran home and asked Daddy if we could go to the mall with Jace and his buddy Steve. Daddy said, “Well, I guess. What time do you plan on returning home?” “By sundown,” I replied. We thanked him and left. Daddy didn’t know that we had lied and were headed to Bear Canyon up on Mt. Lemmon.
So we all hop into Jace’s white Toyota Celica. Jace was driving and his buddy Steve was in the front seat. In the back, my sister Jamie sat to my left and Kristie to my right…leaving me in the middle.
We began our journey towards the Mountain. The music was loud; the windows were down, moon roof open…the window blew my hair in every direction. Smiles filled his Celica. I quickly learned that I was the object in his rear view mirror. Kristie kept elbowing me, I guess it was the reminder that I needed to back off of her territory. My eyes were fixed on his, as he winked at me through the rear view mirror. The car was full. Full of people, music and wind…though, the only two people that were truly present in my mind were me and Jace.
After driving for nearly an hour, we reach Bear Canyon. The guys were gentlemen and helped each one of us out of the car. We get out, we stretch and look around. Jace and Steve murmured to one another. Then we began making our way up the mountain on foot. I looked down and it appeared that Steve was keeping Jamie and Kristie occupied. So I continued to follow Jace.
It was then that I learned that Jace had asked Steve to keep the girls down there so that we could talk. He brought me to a secluded place among a huge rock that overlooked the beautiful pines. It was there, where we sat side by side talking about everything under the sun. We both learned that we were in horrible relationships. He had asked me several questions about the guy I was dating. For some reason I shared more than I had desired to. Down to how I was being abused verbally, emotionally and physically by this other guy. He then promised me that he would always protect me. A tear made its way down my cheek. He noticed as I tried to hide it. I went to dry it and his hand met mine, wiping it away. He then lifted my chin, he pressed his lips against mine and my hair began to sway in the wind. Once again, he caused the butterflies to fill my abdomen. We never talked about what was next with us or what he had just done. We made our way down the hillside. He grabbed me by the hand, smiled and we continued towards our friends. Kristie’s eyes were glued on me. If looks could kill, I would have been dead! He opens the car door for me, we all hop in and head home. Looking in his rear view mirror, his eyes smiled, they didn’t stop smiling. I believe I was elbowed several times during that drive home. Though, I was too busy to acknowledge her rudeness and the fact that I was completely lost within his gorgeous blue eyes!
We arrive home. He opens the car door, he grabs my hand, pulling me close and our lips meet again. He says, “good night, may I see you tomorrow?” “I will be here,” I softly replied. Then I remembered that I had a softball game that I was pitching in and asked him, “Would you like to come and watch me play?” He said, “Yeah! That sounds fun!”
July 28th, 1993. I was making my way to the pitching mound. I look past the back stop and there stood the root of all my butterflies. He smiled and waved at me. He sat with my mom during the entire game. To this day I have no idea what they talked about that night.
After the game, he asked me if he could drive me home. Mama and Daddy said it was okay. So naturally, I was super excited, yet again!
We are in the car, I fasten my seat belt. I’m ready to head home. He looks at me and asks, “Did you break up with your boyfriend?” “Yes, Yes I did. And did you break up with your girlfriend?” I asked. Without hesitation he stated, “heck yeah!” I chuckled a little bit and looked away. He grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes…there was a silence that filled the car, not awkward, but peaceful. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked softly as he was staring me in the eyes. By now, I’m sure my cheeks were flushed, my palms were sweaty and the butterflies were most definitely going to burst from my abdomen! I thought to myself, this is the moment I have been waiting for since I was 12! It took three and a half years for him to notice I even existed! And here we are, at my softball game. Together, alone, he not only wants to drive me home but he wants me to be his Girl! I’m surprised I didn’t just pass out right then and there! Okay, okay, I had to pull myself together and respond to the one in whom my soul longed for. I smiled with every bit of my being and said, “I would love to.” He gave me the most sweet, soft kiss and we were on our way.
Thanksgiving of 1993 came. I was getting ready for the day, daddy calls out, “Kel, come out here.” I proceed to the kitchen where I find Jace on bended knee. My whole family is present, my hair is in a towel, having just gotten out of the shower, and here he is with his dashing blue eyes, his whole face is smiling with anticipation of what my response will be. Of course I said “YES!”
We set the Wedding Date for April 8, 1995. Oh my how it was fun planning our wedding! We planned far enough ahead so we had no rushing and could enjoy each moment.
In April we underwent Marriage Counseling with Pastor Jim Howard. Where Jace and Him introduced me to Jesus. I was saved and baptized. But understand something…I had NO idea what I just did or what any of it meant!
Because I didn’t recognize that He, Jesus was the one I was missing!! Remember this comment for later.
April 7, 1995 came. My Mama receives a phone call that forever changes our lives. Her Mom, my Grandma Liz had gone to live with the Lord. It was an especially difficult and emotional time for us all. My Aunt Jeri Lynn, left immediately, leaving me to find a replacement for the bridesmaid dress we had already had altered for her. Mama tried convincing her to stay and fly out after the wedding with her. But understood her needing to leave immediately. I do believe grandma would have wanted her to stay and be a part of this celebration.
My Wedding day is here. And wow! Overwhelming and fun! After all I was only seventeen and had to have parent consent to marry the Love of My Life. LOL!
I’m not going to get into all the details of the wedding, as there is truly a point to my long story short “life”.
In March 1996, we learned we were pregnant. (Test after test said I wasn’t pregnant…yes that includes blood tests too!) Our beautiful Sugar Bear Alexis Nicole came in to this world on September 12, 1996. She is an amazing young woman and amso proud of the woman she is becoming! She is not just my daughter, but my best friend!
On New Years Eve of 2001, we learned we were pregnant again. Alexis and I went in for our new babies first sonogram. We were super excited! Until the tech was silent, then left the room and came back with a Dr. I was 17 wks along and we could already feel our baby moving, we had already developed and sweet relationship by that point as well…And Alexis was so proud to be a big sister! Dr shows me the baby’s heart…it’s not beating. He then proceeds to (in front of my lil’ girl) tell me that my baby is dead and we need to schedule a D & C. As Alexis hears her baby sibling is dead, she immediately begins to cry. Thank you so much Dr for your bedside manner is just downright unloving!
This was a really tough time for me…I cried for many days. Then one day I woke up and decided, you know what! I’m going to focus on getting better, feeling better about myself.
I did just that! I lost fifty-three pounds, got a tan, bought a new wardrobe and my self esteem was boosted, as well as my self confidence.
I was so confident that I planned a birthday weekend for Jace, up in Tempe, AZ. Booked a sweet hotel, had tickets for Big Surf and planned walking the Tempe Town Lake at night while it was all lit up.
Well his birthday is July 8th. On this day in the year 2001. This is the day the Lord helped us conceive our son. I will never forget this day. You know, there are always those certain memories that stand out…and for you ill minded ones, sex was just a bonus on that day! It was one of those days that when you look the Love of your life in the eyes, and there are no words, just two hearts beating as one, connecting like never before, that moment when you know ONLY GOD CAN DO THIS.
I have left out our “church” involvement during these years for a reason, bear with me.
On April 16, 2002, Alec Christopher came in to the world happy as can be.
Jumping ahead several years…After working for Providence Behavioral Health for some time. Jace and I began praying about being therapeutic foster parents. I am not kidding when I say we prayed for 9 months. We then moved forward into the training part of becoming such parents. In 2008 we were licensed therapeutic foster parents.
I will not share about the numerous children we took in. Though, I will share that six of them accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, while in our care.
Jace and I did something for the VERY first time in our life…
We put our complete Trust and Faith in God. We resigned from foster care August 2012. We didn't have a real game plan for our finances. We took a very large pay cut overnight.
Since we put our complete faith and trust in God, we as a family pray more often, we view things very differently too.
Christmas 2012 was approaching fast! As it usually does.
You know, when you realize you didn't intentionally wait until the last moment to do your Christmas shopping?! Well, given the fact that in August 2012 the hubby and I finally made the decision to resign from therapeutic foster care and have faith that God will continue to provide for our family, our income had drastically dropped! Did I say drastically? It was culture shock really. But none the less, it was a decision long overdue. This means, we just do not have the money for Christmas this year.
That really tugged at my heart strings! BAD! I am a giver. I began talking to the Lord regarding this dilemma. He prompted me to create "The 25 Days of Christmas" Basket. Through that prompting and me spending countless hours on this adventure that would soon take place...I utilized only items that I had on hand. I prayed often, asking God to bless this gift, that it will bring our family closer together. That we would once again learn how to function as a family of four. After all this was the first Christmas without us having several children in our home. Alec was just five years old when we began taking in children. God not only brought our family closer together, He continues to show us what unconditional love is, how to put others before ourselves, to keep our eyes fixed on Him...Always, and so much more.
I placed the basket in our family room...where the kids always find themselves. So when they woke up Saturday morning, it was already in place! I was filled with joy to see the excitement that gleamed from every bit of their being! Smiles from ear to ear, stepping lightly...almost floating, it was an awesome beginning. And Day one hadn't even been opened yet!
I will not blog all 25 days on here...This is Day 2.
At first, I must say I was concerned as to how the kids were going to react to this one...both of my kids are very creative and artistic, but having been going through the healing process of foster care, it has been rough and it seemed to take a lot of time to get out all of the stress our bodies had carried...leaving my kids to not wanting to do anything for a long time. So when they opened Day 2, and their eyes lit up and smiles filled their beautiful faces, I knew then that back when God and I had that conversation about bringing our family closer together, His Blessing began to show...Remember, this is only Day 2!
After much brainstorming, we decided to make a decoration that would complement our front yard in which was FILLED with Christmas lights. Alexis took up the drawing of the words, "Merry Christmas" on a large piece of plywood. Alec made 3 dimensional snowflakes to hang outside on the porch. Jace then cut out the sign and then Alexis and I painted it. It was so sweet to see our family all engaged with one goal...to create something beautiful for our home, for our favorite Time of Year.
I could go on and on…God’s Love and Healing poured out gracefully upon our family!!
We come to a Day where we all had to brainstorm alone and then together in creating New Family Traditions. What is so beautiful about this particular day that God and I had chosen many days prior, is that only He knew what each one of us would say…Alec shared first, “I think our family tradition should be that we make a commitment to be Faithful in Church.” If that doesn’t tug on your heart, I don’t know what will! And as we went around the circle, in our own words, we all said the same thing.
(Before we came back to Tucson Baptist Temple four years ago…We did attend other churches, one in which we were members for almost eight years. Then due to a new Shepherd coming in and not allowing the help of his congregation, we left. We attended another church that I believe we enjoyed only because we were young and naive and liked the concert setting. We didn't stay there long…we just stopped attending and even though we have a relationship with Christ, we were not honoring it.)
Christmas Eve Service came, we attended. We have faithfully attended since then.
Many times in my past, I have had thoughts, sad thoughts of how maybe I just don’t measure up! Maybe I’m not worthy of being a part of such an amazing Eternal Family. I won’t lie;sometimes those same thoughts/feelings creep in from time to time….
Pastor had announced that on Wednesday nights there will be electives we can choose from, instead of a traditional service, we will be immersing ourselves into God’s Word much more deeply. One of the electives was, “Discipleship” Class. Jace and I immediately looked at each other and said YES!! Did the evil one try and tell us, oh twenty weeks is a long time, and you won’t be able to commit to that! Ha! He forgets who My Lord is!
Alexis is back in the choir, enjoys her youth group and loves the Lozano's. Alec has shown MUCH growth in the youth group and has made a wonderful lifelong friend. Jace and I have stepped out of our comfort zone and are loving being involved and serving alongside our Eternal family!
So now that we have to come to the main point of why I've shared a glimpse of my heart…
God also had a plan in this class for me…gaining eternal relationships is a HUGE blessing in this class…But!
It is here where God truly revealed Himself to me. Or you could say, because I have turned from my old ways, I have given myself the liberty to see All God is and has been for me, all my life.
You see, we can go back to my mother’s womb. He created me.
Back to when I was going deaf at the age of five…He restored my hearing.
When my parent’s won that bid on the house here in Tucson! The Soul Mate God Gave me lives here…His plan for my future.
How he saved me from being abused by my first boyfriend, he sent me Jace…God protected me.
He gave me the heart to long for a life with Jace…Jace introduced me to Jesus…God called me.
Through the ugliest trials a marriage can go through…He molded us, made us stronger.
The ability to wake up each morning…He gives us Life so that we may be the salt and light unto this fallen world.
Saying you’re a Christian, are just words. When you share scripture with others or offer godly advice, whether it’s online, Facebook, text etc…but your life does not match what was shared, don’t be surprised if you are ignored or even called a hypocrite. Lead by example, Christ is the best example.
Attending church just for the sake of saying you attend, is like saying, I will be here for you always, but never rise to the occasion.
Helping out when it’s only convenient to you or your schedule, does not relay the message of love, but, that you’re just not that important.
Yes, I cry a lot. Does it mean I’m sad or upset? No. I cry because God has delivered me from the depths of hell I allowed myself to get into.
When I’m in excruciating pain, yes I cry…but I am also so very thankful that God hears me and gives me what I need. He helps me by giving me strength on the days I feel paralyzed by the pains in my neck and shoulders to carry on for those I love so dearly!
We all have a story, a testimony. I challenge you to take some time to reflect on where you were, where you are now and where God Plans to Lead You for His Purpose.
But remember, God’s Purpose for us is to be Authentic Christians who find joy through being obedient in serving and loving others before ourselves.
~ Mickel "KeL" Scharpnick
Proud of your writing - you bring the story alive within the words :)'s Love & Mama {{{Hugs}}}
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